Duds and Daughters

I know squat about the current fashion trends. Me, I tend to side with conservatism with a strong nod toward comfort. Think Wally Cleaver in flip-flops.

(Note: I arrived late to the flip-flop scene. A career jock, I was always a tennis shoe guy. But a few years ago I relented, mostly because I felt too old - and too young - for the tennie and sock look. Not gonna say it wasn't traumatic, though. When purchasing my first pair of flip-flops, I plopped them down on the conveyer belt. The cashier rang them up...and up popped "Men's Thong" on the register.)

Anyway, let me try to get this straight about today's attire. The more out-of-style, the more laughable it recently was, the more in-style, en vogue it now is? And in many respects, the uglier, the better? Penguins are in, Polos out? Tight is golden again? I'm so confused.

I recently saw a guy wearing O.P. pants and an Izod. This is a good thing? How far behind are those Vecro wallets?

And these men's tees with Romanesque paintings all over them. Jenn was going to buy me a shirt but said those were all she could find and knew I wouldn't wear one. She was right. To me, the only place a Phoenix belongs is in Arizona or across the hood of a '78 Trans-Am.

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Unless raw, brute, sheer strength is required - like keeping Rosie O'Donnell in line - then I'm all for equal employment opportunity amongst the genders. In fact, sorry Barrack, but the most powerful person in Illinois (America? the universe?) isn't a politician at all but instead a female former newscaster from Chicago.

But something about a chick calling a football game on TV just makes me squirm.

Don't get me wrong - the woman providing play-by-play for the Michigan State-Indiana matchup did just fine. Knew her stuff, offered some insights, all that. But it simply didn't feel right. And it's not a sexist thing - trust me, she was better than many a male announcer - just more of a can't-put-my finger-on-it thing.

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Reason #82 To Suspect We're In Trouble With McKenzie
The kid dresses like it's the evening gown segment of a beauty competition - to go get groceries with her mom. She goes through more wardrobe changes on a Saturday than Elton John and has never seen a mirror she didn't adore. I'm raising Cher.

Reminds me of something hardball legend Joe Dimaggio once said when asked why he plays so hard every game...."Because you never know when someone is seeing you for the very first time."