Fodder

A strange job, mine is.

Clients, predominantly women:

- Listen to me attentively
- Do what I ask
- Follow me to and fro
- Leap, lunge, lift, push, pull and crunch for me
- Thank me
- Pay me

It's so unlike marriage.

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McCoy has learned that a tiger says 'roooooaaaarrr.' For a (little) man of few words, that's a good trick.

Unfortunately, a giraffe also apparently says 'rooooaaaarrr.' So does a dog. And a duck. And a mop.

We'll get there.

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Danger - Eating in Progress

1. Chicken Pot Pie - With innards as hot as Heidi Klum, the eater should always be sure to prod thoroughly with a fork, then wait four days before eating. In the interim, the pie makes for an excellent humidifier.

2. Pizza - When eaten while under the influence, the stringy caboose from a liberal bite of late-night Tombstone can induce a scalded soul patch.

3. Scallops - Rubbery, no match for molars and windpipe shaped. Once, at a wedding, I was given the Heimlich by the keyboard player of a cover band named The Weeping Sores. Scallops will forever be my Kryptonite.